די נעטוואָרק דיסקאַסט צי עס איז פינאַנציעל זידלען דורך עלטערן

Financial abuse is a form of violence where one person controls the finances of another. Most often it is spoken of in the context relationships within a couple, but in reality it can also occur in parent-child relationships. And although this problem has become more talked about lately, people’s opinions about it still diverge.

So, a dispute about what can be considered financial abuse on the part of parents and what not, flared up under one of the posts on Twitter. User @whiskeyforlou asked other users: “Were you also financially abused as a child, always saying that there is no money, and now you constantly feel anxiety about spending money on things?” And the commentators were divided into two camps.

«We do not have money»

Many commentators agreed with the statement and shared their stories. @ursugarcube said that her father always found money for a new iPad, but couldn’t buy groceries or pay for music school.  

The user @DorothyBrrown found herself in a similar situation as a child: her parents had money for cars, houses and new fur coats, but not for purchases for their daughter.

@rairokun noted that she feels deceived: “Parents fully support her brother, buy him any expensive Wishlist and give him 10 thousand pocket money, although the situation has not changed financially.” 

And user @olyamir said that, it seems, even in adulthood she is faced with manifestations of financial abuse from her parents: “To this day, while receiving my own good salary, I hear from my mother that you need to be more modest, you rich, you won’t understand.” Therefore, I usually name the price 1,5-2 times less and do not talk about any of my purchases at all. 

Still, strained relationships with parents are not the only thing that economic violence leads to. Here and anxiety, and inability to manage finances. According to @akaWildCat, now she cannot find a middle ground between saving and spending. 

«It’s not the abuse that’s to blame, it’s the infantilism»

Why did the controversy erupt? Some users did not appreciate this attitude and came up with the opposite opinion, talking about selfishness and the inability of the majority to understand the difficulties of their parents.

“God, how can you not respect your parents and write this,” wrote @smelovaaa. The girl shared a story about her childhood in a large family, where there was no opportunity to go to the cinema and buy chips, but stressed that she understood why they lived like that.

Other commentators noted that their parents raised them well, teaching them to value money. And also showing how to keep track of finances, what is worth spending money on, and what is not. And they do not see the problem in the phrase “we have no money”.

Of course, if you read the comments more closely, you can understand the real reason for the dispute — people are talking about completely different things. It is one thing to have a difficult financial condition and the inability to spend money on trinkets, and quite another thing is saving on a child. What can we say about preventive talk about the fact that the family has no money, which often makes children feel guilty. 

Each situation from the comments is individual and requires careful analysis. So far, only one thing can be said for sure: people are unlikely to come to a consensus on this issue. 

_{טעקסט: נאַדעזשדאַ קאָוואַלעוואַ}