ינהאַלט
Stop referring to a maternal ideal
The model mother who would be nothing but patience, self-sacrifice, availability and gentleness does not exist! Of course, you are a mother and your role is to be there when your little one needs you, but there are bound to be times when you are tired, overwhelmed, stressed … It’s normal to be fed up with time in time, you are a human being, not a saint!
And above all, tell yourself that no other mother is ideal, so no need to think that others are much more efficient than you, that they have an infallible maternal instinct, that their baby is an angel and their life as a mother than happiness…
The same goes for your own mother. Take the best of the education you have received, but do not hesitate to distance yourself, in any case a certain distance, from the mother model. And if there is a mom around you who you find cool and competent, ask yourself what she would do in your situation, model the behaviors that you think are relevant, pick right and left to invent your own style.
Be “good enough”
You want to be a good mother and you feel like you’re not doing enough all the time. Well, tell yourself that this is exactly what your child needs, a sufficiently good and loving mother, but above all not centered only on her child. Do not try to satisfy your child, to anticipate all his desires, let him get impatient, do not feel guilty when he shows his dissatisfaction … Dissatisfaction and frustrations are part of the life of every human being, including that of of your little treasure.
Do not compete for the title of “miss perfection”
Your self-confidence is parasitized by fears that prevent you from being fully well in your role as a mother: the fear of doing badly, the fear of displeasing and the fear of not being perfect. Whenever a little inner voice says to you “You should do this or that, you won’t make it, you don’t deliver, you don’t measure up,” shut her up. Fight relentlessly against your desire for perfection, because it is a trap that poisons and makes mothers feel guilty. Don’t ask for everyone’s opinion, don’t seek general approval, there will always be someone who finds fault. Be inspired by educational methods that you think are good, but don’t follow one to the letter. Do not set the bar too high, set yourself achievable goals, you will gain self-confidence.
“At the beginning, she was not sure of herself”: Jérôme, companion of Laure, father of Léo, 1 year old.
“I saw Laure metamorphose over the days. At first she was stressed, me
also, moreover, we were never sure we were doing well. I watched her take care of Leo, hold him close to her, breastfeed him, cuddle him, rock him, it seemed like a no-brainer. I thought Laure was perfect, but not her. I took a lot of pictures every day
of Laure and Léo in symbiosis. It was wonderful and in a few months, Laure has become a super mom, proud of herself and of us. “
Follow your hunches
You are the person in the best position to decode your baby, to detect the small disturbances which punctuate his life as a young child. Nothing escapes you, loss of appetite, poor sleep, fevers, toothaches, bad mood, fatigue, anger… So trust yourself and act according to your instincts. When you don’t know what to do, put yourself in your child’s shoes. Ask yourself how he felt, try to remember how you felt when you were a child.
Observe him
Observing your child is the best indicator to know if he is feeling well… or not. Discover his preferences, what amuses him, what he appreciates, what arouses his curiosity, what makes him feel good, what calms him, what reassures him. Play with him, be happy because your mission is to bring up your child well, but it is also to have a maximum of good time together.
Trust him
Trusting yourself as a mom is being able to trust your baby. It is he who will make you a mother, over the days, the experiences, you will model each other, build you one by the other and that’s how you will be. the best mom in the world for him!
“It’s not easy to be a solo mom! »: Laurène, mother of Pauline, 18 months old.
Pauline’s dad did not agree to have a child, I decided to keep him anyway. It’s not easy being a solo mom, but it’s my choice, I don’t regret a thing. Every day, I tell myself how lucky I am to have Pauline in my life. She is a wonderful little girl. In order not to find myself isolated, I rely a lot on my parents, my brothers, who are really very present uncles, and my friends. For the moment, I am trying to make my daughter happy, to organize my life as a mother, I am not trying to rebuild my life, but I am also a young woman
who wants to be in love. “
Welcome your anxiety
You have surely heard this recommendation before: to be a good mother, you must not be anxious because anxiety is contagious and your baby feels it. That’s right, when you are worried your child will feel it. But never worrying when you’re a mom is absolutely impossible! So stop feeling guilty for being anxious, accept your doubts. Once again, it’s part of the mother’s package! Becoming a mom takes time. Accept your mistakes, move forward by trial and error. Test and if it doesn’t work, change. Accept being fallible, in life we do what we can, not what we want. Accepting to question yourself will make you the best mom ever.
Let the daddy take his place
You know how to take care of your baby, but you are not the only one. His father too. Don’t relegate it to the background, involve it, let it take its place from the start. He can as well as you change diapers, go shopping, heat the bottle, empty the dishwasher, give the bath, tidy the house or get up at night to console his cherub. Let him do it his way, which is not the same as yours. This cooperation will strengthen your relationship. Each will discover the other in his new role, appreciate new facets of his personality and reinforce the other in his parenthood.
Congratulate yourself!
There are times every day when everything is under control, your baby has slept well, ate well, he smiles, he is beautiful, he is happy and so are you… When things are going well, congratulate yourself inwardly on being such a good mother , throw flowers at each other. Recognize your qualities and accept the compliments, they are deserved.
Be a mother, but not that …
Remaining a woman, a lover, a friend, a colleague, a fan of zumba, is essential to feel like a good mother. Do not put your personal life in oblivion under the pretext that the little being who has just been born suddenly takes a huge place in your life. After baby, you must find a life as a couple! Don’t let him take up all the space, it’s not good for him or for you or for your relationship. Do not hesitate to entrust your baby to regularly spend evenings alone with your darling. Go out for a romantic dinner, but beware: it is absolutely forbidden to talk about the little one! Take time to rest. In short, find a new balance between all the exceptional women that you are!
געפֿינען אונדזער אַרטיקל אין ווידעא: