מיר און מיין שאָטן: ווי צו "צאַמען" דיין פינצטער זייַט

“I know how She wakes up in me. My fists clench involuntarily. A wild rage sweeps over me. I feel like my right hand is looking for a weapon. This is the Sword. I want to kill my husband with it. Yes, I want to kill him now. I want to take revenge on him and finish him to the last breath! Revenge, revenge for everything in the world. At such moments, he calls me an evil fury and leaves the house.

Once, when the door slammed behind him, I ran to the mirror and did not recognize myself. A vile, twisted witch looked at me. Not! It’s not me! He shouldn’t see me like this! I wanted to break the mirror into a thousand pieces!” — Julia tells her psychotherapist. The girl talks about how the shadow side of her psyche manifests itself. From a quiet, depressed woman with sad eyes, she suddenly turns into an unfamiliar, hysterical, angry and full of hatred person.

True, at this moment Julia looks like a fury. This is the ancient Greek goddess of revenge, an evil and grumpy woman. The energy that this part of the psyche contains is incredibly powerful. Previously, she only «broke through» in quarrels with her parents and scandals with her husband. Now Julia is learning to accept and use it to achieve her goals.

The shadow part of the psyche is a source of colossal energy. By accepting it, we release our power and can move mountains. Who noticed in himself such an instant transformation, like our heroine?

Meet your Shadow

The concept of Shadow in psychology was introduced by Carl Jung. The shadow is the «wrong side» of the psyche, its dark side. What we are not aware of, we suppress and deny in ourselves. In this part of the psyche, as in a «black hole», the subconscious mind «sucks in» and hides desires, impulses, memories and unpleasant experiences associated with the self-image.

This includes animal instincts and negative traits that are not customary to show in public. Pettiness, greed, envy, selfishness, malice and more. “No, I’m not greedy, I just don’t have money right now. No, I help people, but today I’m tired and my strength is at zero.

At the same time, we have an “ideal” image of ourselves. “I am kind, caring, generous, smart.” This is the light part of the psyche. Jung calls her Persona. In our own eyes and in the eyes of others, we want to look good. This maintains integrity and self-confidence.

The person, or the light part, does not want to accept the Shadow — its dark part. If you do not make friends with the “reverse side” of the psyche, its contents will “break through” at the most unexpected moment and do its “dark” deed.

Why is Shadow dangerous?

You can’t hide from your dark side, you can’t hide. Suppressed feelings and desires directly affect behavior.

Examples of shadows from life

Natasha does not work out with men. Relationships last a maximum of three months. Yes, and it’s hard to call it a relationship. There are weak, infantile men, whom she then leaves. There are no strong men in her environment. She unconsciously “competes” with them. He tries to be the best in everything he does. Such is her Amazon-Shadow.

Anya in a relationship behaves like the Snow Queen, cold and arrogant. She looks down, does not tell a man about her feelings, the first one never writes or calls. She will not show a man by word or gesture that she likes him. Of course, all her novels «freeze» at the very beginning. And she asks herself questions why all relationships equally come to naught.

In the process of therapeutic work, Anya realized what she was doing. Her eyes finally sparkled with tears. But the first words were: “No. No. No. This is not true! I am not like that. It can’t be.»

Yes, accepting your Shadow is difficult for everyone. But it is useful for adults to be friends with their Shadow. Then we manage our feelings, thoughts, actions, directing this energy to what is important to us.

HOW TO «TAPE» YOUR OWN SHADOW?

STEP 1. See what it looks like. Look back at your life and honestly answer three questions: “What about myself do I not want to show to others?”, “I am afraid that others will find out about me?”, “What thoughts and desires cause me guilt and shame?”. Be sure to observe your feelings throughout the day. A colleague got a promotion — envy pricked. A friend asked for a loan of money — she was greedy and refused. I gloated when the neighbors were robbed. arrogantly condemned a friend. The shadow manifests itself through emotions and feelings.

Step 2. Accept the Shadow as it is. Recognize all the impulses of your shadow side. «Yes, I’m jealous now.» «Yes, I want revenge.» «Yeah, I’m glad she didn’t.» You don’t have to judge yourself. Just acknowledge that the feeling is there.

Step 3: Find the Shadow’s Positive Message. The shadow always indicates what is important to us. This needs to be considered. I want to take revenge — I was devalued in these relations. I envy — I do not allow myself more. Condemned — I want to be needed and accepted. I behaved arrogantly — I want to be special and necessary. In each case, the Shadow’s message is unique. But there is always a positive connotation. Feelings are indicators of what we really need. Thank your Shadow for discoveries!

Step 4. Direct energy in a peaceful direction. How can I give myself what is important to me? I envied career growth — I want development and change. What height do I want? What can I do about it now? What resources do I have?

Step 5. Be bold. Once you’ve figured out what’s valuable to you, set clear goals that inspire you. And move towards them step by step. Stop feeling guilty and beating yourself up. So much energy goes into the void… Be friends with the Shadow. This is part of you. By accepting all the most «terrible» in yourself, you will gain your strength. Checked.