A picture familiar from childhood: a hero on a horse — at a fork in front of a stone. If you go to the left, you will lose your horse; to the right, you will lose your head; if you go straight, you will live and forget yourself. A modern Russian always has at least two more options left: stay put or go back. In fairy tales, this would be called ingenuity. But why do we often not see a choice at all or make it somehow strange?
“I would venture to say that nothing is written on the stone. But three different people will approach it and see completely different inscriptions,” says Konstantin Kharsky, author of the book “Big Change”. — Those words that we can follow are highlighted by our own «flashlight» — a set of values. If you take the flashlight away from the stone, it will become even and white, like a screen in a movie theater. But when you bring the beam of light back on, you see the “written” possibilities.”
But how to notice other inscriptions — after all, they are most likely there? Otherwise, the fairy tale would not have happened, and it is in this constant choice of each hero where to go and how to act that the main intrigue lies.
Normal heroes always bypass
Konstantin Kharsky conducts trainings and master classes in different countries, but in any hall where there is at least one Slav: Russian, our country, Belarusian — when asked where the hero should go, a voice is heard offering several more options. The business coach has noticed this feature for a long time. It is impossible to explain this logically, but he has a comic version, which he gladly voices to the participants of the trainings.
According to this version, God, when creating the world and people, made a fundamental mistake: he connected reproduction and pleasure, which is why the population of homo sapiens grew rapidly. “There was some kind of big data, big data that had to be managed somehow,” the business coach explains. — In order to create at least some structure, God divided people into nations. Not bad, but not enough to distinguish them.
Our “cross” manifests itself in everything: in an attempt to “just ask” in the queue at the clinic or in an effort to seal the car number
Then he imputed to each people his own cross. Someone became enterprising, someone hardworking, someone happy, someone wise. I am sure that the Lord went alphabetically, and when he reached the Slavs, there were no worthy crosses left. And they got the cross — to look for workarounds.
This “cross” manifests itself in everything: in an attempt to “just ask” in the queue at the clinic or in an effort to seal the car number so that no one is fined for unpaid parking. In malls, employees crouch as they walk through the entrance. What for? It turns out that their KPI is calculated according to the formula, where the denominator is the number of buyers who have passed through the doors. The larger the denominator, the smaller the result. By their own movements through the entrance with a sensor, they reduce their own performance. Who could have guessed this? Nobody but the Slavs.
Instead of respect — power
“I once rested in Odessa. Bought a box of walnuts. The top layer was good, made of whole nuts, but as soon as we got to the bottom, split ones were found, — recalls Konstantin Kharsky. We live in constant wars, washing each other. We have an eternal struggle — with neighbors, relatives, colleagues. If you can sell low-quality goods — why not do it? Once it worked — I will sell it again.
We are used to living in total disrespect for each other. Starting with my own children. «Don’t watch this program, don’t play the computer, don’t eat ice cream, don’t be friends with Petya.» We are the authority over the child. But we will quickly lose it as soon as he turns 12-13 years old. And if we didn’t have time to instill in him the values that he will focus on when choosing: sit on his tablet or go play football or read a book, this problem, the lack of criteria for selection, will manifest itself in full. And if we have not instilled respect in him, showing respect for him, he will not listen to any of our arguments and will start sending him to hell.”
But if you think about it, this strategy — to bend the rules — did not come from nowhere. In Russia, for example, double standards are part of the cultural code. If a ban on glass tinting is introduced in cars, then every motorist will ask: “Will the leaders of the state and those close to them also stop driving with tinting?” And everyone understands that one is possible, and the other is not. If the authorities are looking for workarounds, then why shouldn’t others do the same? The search for alternative paths is a cultural phenomenon. It is generated by leaders, they are responsible for what phenomena are relevant now, what take root among the people.
You can spend your whole life with one «flashlight» — a value called «power» — and still not know other options and opportunities.
We do not show respect for each other, we show power: at the level of relatives or subordinates. Watchman Syndrome deeply sits in many of us. That is why in Russia an attempt to introduce value management in business is doomed to failure, Konstantin Kharsky is convinced. Turquoise companies — the ideal of management theorists — are built on the self-awareness of each employee, understanding of tasks and responsibilities.
“But ask any businessman — he will speak out against such a system. Why? The first question that a businessman will ask is: “What will I do there?” For the vast majority of Russian entrepreneurs, power, management is control.”
However, there is always a choice, we just cannot or do not want to see it. Show power or behave differently? To be an animal that lives in each of us (and this is part of our essence, at the level of the reptilian brain), or learn to limit it? And you can spend your whole life with one “flashlight” — a value called “power” — and still not know other options and opportunities. But how can we recognize them if we choose the path of development?
Need dissenting others
You can do this with the help of other people. If we consider the example of a stone at a crossroads and a flashlight as a metaphor, then we are talking about cooperation. The fact that we can get new information different from ours only from another flashlight.
“Every person is limited in the perception of the world, and the possibilities that he notices around him are also limited. For example, the head of the family wants to start his own business, — the writer gives an example. — He has an option: I will buy a car and I will “hack” on the roads. The wife comes and says: and you still know how to glue wallpaper well and paint the walls. The son recalls that his father played football well with him and his friends, maybe there will be a use for him there? The man himself did not see these options. For this, he needed other people.
If we apply this metaphor to business, then every boss should have a person on his staff who annoys or even infuriates him. This means that he has a flashlight that highlights completely opposite values. And besides him, no one will voice these values and will not show them.
If we are faced with an important choice, we definitely need someone who will not agree with us. Need someone who sees other choices
“This person is fundamentally different from you. And with it, you can see the world with different eyes — the way many see it, with the same flashlights as your annoying colleague. And then the picture becomes voluminous,” continues Konstantin Kharsky. “When you have a choice, you need an interlocutor, someone who will show you other possibilities.”
If we are faced with an important choice, we definitely need someone who will not agree with us. Friends won’t do here unless they think friendship is all about disagreeing and agreeing. We need someone who sees other choices.
“You were going to quit because of the tyrant boss,” comments Konstantin Kharsky. — And this someone who disagrees with you will say that actually working with such a boss is cool. In fact, this is a daily training to find the key to such a leader: who knows where such a skill will still come in handy. You can sit on the boss-tyrant and become the boss yourself. And the interlocutor suggests developing an appropriate plan. Etc. There may be many more options. And we just wanted to quit!”
Habit revision
The second thing that a person facing a fork in the road needs to do is to accept the fact that most of the choices he makes are automatic, and not at all based on values. Once upon a time, we made our more or less successful choice in a given situation. Then they repeated a second, third time. And then the choice became a habit. And now it is not clear — inside of us is a living person or a set of automatic habits?
Habits have an important function — they save energy. After all, every time making a conscious choice, checking and calculating the options, it is very energy-consuming for us, whether it is a question of how to build relationships or what kind of sausage to buy.
“We need a revision of our habits. You need to periodically check whether this or that habit is still relevant? We drink the same kind of tea, walk the same path. Are we not losing something new, some other way on which we could meet an important person or experience some new sensations and emotions? asks Konstantin Kharsky.
Choosing consciously, based on values, and not on automata or options shown by other people — this, perhaps, should be done by a hero in our personal fairy tale.