“I couldn’t find my place!”
“When our daughter was born, Céline knew everything better than I did: care, bathing… I was doing EVERYTHING wrong! She was in hypercontrol. I was confined to the dishes, to shopping. One evening, after a year, I didn’t cook the “right” vegetables and got yelled at again. I discussed it with Celine, telling her that I couldn’t find my place as a father. She had to let go a bit. Céline has achieved, finally! Then she was super careful, and little by little I was able to impose myself. For the second, a little guy, I was more confident. ”
Bruno, father of 2 children
“It’s a form of madness.”
“On the mother-baby merger, I admit that I observed it with a puzzled eye. At the time, I was surprised, I no longer recognized my wife. She was one with our baby. It looked like a form of madness. On the one hand, I find it all super heroic. Breastfeed on demand, suffer to give birth, or wake up ten times a night to breastfeed … This fusion suited me well: even if I am for the sharing of tasks, I do not believe that I would have been able to do a shift of what she did for our child! ”
Richard, father of a child
“Our couple is balanced.”
“From birth, of course, there is a form of fusion. But I feel in my place, involved since the pregnancy. My partner reacts “instinctively”, she listens to our 2 month old daughter. I observe the difference: Ysé’s eyes react strongly to the arrival of his mother! But with me, she does other things: I bathe, I wear her, and sometimes she falls asleep against me. Our couple is well balanced: my partner left me all the time to take care of our daughter. ”
Laurent, father of a child
די מיינונג פון די מומחה
“After childbirth, there is the temptation for the mother to remain ‘one’ with the baby.Among these three testimonies, one of the dads evokes “the madness” of his wife. It’s the case. This fusional relationship is spontaneous, favored by pregnancy and infant care. We need to take care of him. The mother can believe that she alone can and should do everything for her baby. This omnipotence must not be established over time. For some women, it’s very difficult to go from one to two. The father’s role is to act as a third party, and to take care of the mother to help her become a woman again. But for that, the woman must agree to give him a place. She is the one who accepts that she is not EVERYTHING for her baby. Not only does Bruno have no place, but he is disqualified. He suffers from it. Richard himself fully validates this merger. He poses as a hedonist, and that suits him well! Watch out for what might happen when the child grows up! And Laurent is in the right place. He is third without being a double mother; he brings something else to the child and his wife. It is a real differentiation. ”
Philippe Duverger Child psychiatrist teacher, Head of the Child Psychiatry Department and
of the adolescent at the University Hospital of Angers, university professor.