When she was little, she was very cute with her quilts coming out of school. Maybe she was already talking to you about her lover and that made you laugh. But now that your little girl has transformed into a teenage girl, who criticizes your clothes and sighs at your every word, the timing of the boyfriend theme has become harder to find. And to accept the so-called “boyfriend” without talking about it, how to do?

Your little girl has grown up. She has become a beautiful teenager, ready to try a romantic relationship for more than 3 days. Even if parents are well aware that this development is perfectly normal, many of them find themselves uncomfortable.

To come to terms with their daughter’s relationship, the parent may ask themselves what is disturbing them in this situation? On discussion forums, this topic is recurrent and parents cite several reasons:

• they think it’s too early for their daughter;
• they don’t know the boy or his family;
• for them it’s a surprise, their daughter has never spoken to them about it;
• there is too great a difference in culture, in values, in religion;
• he / she is not polite;
• their daughter has been unhappy since she has been with him / her;
• their daughter has changed her behavior since this relationship.

In cases where the relationship changes the behavior of her child and / or it becomes harmful to his health and his studies, the parents do not need to accept this boyfriend, but should instead do proof of dialogue and if possible keep their daughter away from this negative influence for her.

Adolescents are in the period when they are building their sexuality, developing their romantic feelings, and learning how to behave with young girls.

For this they can count on:

• education and examples given by their families and relatives;
• the influence of their friends;
• the limits that young girls will place on them;
• the influence of the media, their cultural and religious environment, etc.

Remembering your own adolescence, with the successes, the failures, the moments of shame when you were rejected, the first times… All this helps to remain benevolent and open towards this young man who entered your daughter’s life without asking for permission.

Your young girl begins to make her decisions on her own, to make her own choices, including in matters of love. The parent becomes the referent adult responsible for supporting him but not for choosing for him. And even if heartaches hurt, it is also thanks to this that we build ourselves.

Once the mourning for “the little darling to her daddy, or her mom” is over, the parent can finally give way to curiosity, to discovering the famous boyfriend. No need to ask too many questions, teens often want to keep their garden a secret. Knowing his age, where he lives and what he does for a study is already information that can reassure the parent.

If the dialogue is difficult, it may be possible to meet the boy. It will then be possible to exchange a few words and / or observe his behavior.

Many occasions are possible:

• invite her for coffee at home. Eating early on can be long and inconvenient;
• attend one of its sporting events;
• suggest that your daughter take her to one of her dates, especially if the means of transport are scarce, it will be an opportunity to see how the boy is conveyed. If he has a motorbike, for example, it is interesting to know if his daughter rides in the back and if she wears a helmet;
• suggest doing an activity together, a game of basketball, a movie, etc.

All these occasions allow to learn more about the chosen one of his heart and to be pleasantly surprised by noting, for example, that the Apollo plays the guitar like you, or rugby or is a fan of Paris Saint-Germain.

It also happens that parents fall in love with their daughter’s boyfriend… yes, if it does. He is present every weekend, at every family celebration and plays tennis with you every Sunday.

Be careful, in this idyllic world for parents, we must not forget that this very nice boy, with whom you have bonded, is your daughter’s boyfriend. As a teenager, she has the right to flirt, to change lovers, if she wishes.

By investing too much in this story, parents can cause:

• a feeling of insecurity for the teenager who is not ready to get involved in an adult relationship;
• an impression of no longer feeling at home. The parents are also there to preserve the cocoon that she has built for herself and to allow her to return there when she needs it;
• pressure from those around her to stay with this boy who for her is only a step in her love life and in her development as a woman

Parents must therefore find the right balance between getting to know the boy, in order to reassure themselves and a healthy distance, in order to preserve their daughter’s freedom of choice. Not that easy. To be supported, and to be able to express its difficulties, family planning provides a toll-free number: 0800081111.