This problem is familiar to most parents of hyperactive children — it is difficult for them to sit still, it is difficult to concentrate. To do the lessons, you need a titanic effort. How can you help such a child? Here is a simple and paradoxical method that psychologist Ekaterina Murashova offers in the book “We all come from childhood”.
Imagine: evening. Mom checks the child’s homework. School tomorrow.
“Did you write the answers in these examples from the ceiling?”
«No, I did.»
“But how did you decide if you have five plus three, it turns out four ?!”
“Ah… I didn’t notice that…”
«What’s the task?»
“Yes, I don’t know how to solve it. Let `s together».
“Have you tried it at all? Or looked out the window and played with the cat?
“Of course, I tried,” Petya objected with resentment. — A hundred times».
“Show the piece of paper where you wrote the solutions.”
«And I tried in my mind…»
«Another hour later.»
“And what did they ask you in English? Why don’t you have anything written down?
«Nothing was asked.»
“That doesn’t happen. Marya Petrovna specially warned us at the meeting: I give homework at every lesson!
“But this time it didn’t. Because she had a headache.
«How is it?»
“And her dog ran away for a walk … Such a white one … With a tail …”
«Stop lying to me! screeches the mother. “Since you didn’t write down the task, sit down and do all the tasks for this lesson in a row!”
«I won’t, we weren’t asked!»
«You will, I said!»
“I won’t! — Petya throws the notebook, the textbook flies after. His mother grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him with some kind of almost inarticulate vicious muttering, in which the words “lessons”, “work”, “school”, “janitor” and “your father” are guessed.
Then both cry in different rooms. Then they reconcile. The next day, everything is repeated all over again.
The child does not want to study
Almost a quarter of my clients come to me with this problem. The child already in the lower grades does not want to study. Do not sit down for lessons. He is never given anything. If, nevertheless, he sits down, he is constantly distracted and does everything in a blunder. The child spends an awful lot of time on homework and does not have time to take a walk and do something else useful and interesting.
Here is the circuit I use in these cases.
1. I am looking in the medical record, is there or was there any נעוראָלאָגי. The letters PEP (prenatal encephalopathy) or something like that.
2. I find out from my parents what we have with אַמביציע. Separately — in a child: he worries at least a little about mistakes and deuces, or he doesn’t care at all. Separately — from parents: how many times a week they tell the child that studying is his job, who and how he should become thanks to responsible homework.
3. I ask in detail, who is responsible and how for this accomplishment. Believe it or not, but in those families where everything is left to chance, there are usually no problems with lessons. Although, of course, there are others.
4. I explain to parentswhat exactly they (and teachers) need for a primary school student to prepare lessons. He doesn’t need it himself. Generally. He would play better.
The adult motivation “I have to do something uninteresting now, so that later, a few years later…” appears in children no earlier than 15 years old.
Children’s motivation «I want to be good, so that my mother / Marya Petrovna would praise» usually exhausts itself by the age of 9-10. Sometimes, if it is very exploited, earlier.
וואָס צו טאָן?
We train the will. If the corresponding neurological letters were found in the card, it means that the child’s own volitional mechanisms are slightly (or even strongly) weakened. The parent will have to “hang” over him for a while.
Sometimes it’s enough just to keep your hand on the child’s head, on the top of his head — and in this position he will successfully complete all tasks (usually small ones) in 20 minutes.
But one should not hope that he will write them all down at school. It is better to immediately start an alternative channel of information. You yourself know what your child was asked — and good.
Volitional mechanisms need to be developed and trained, otherwise they will never work. Therefore, regularly — for example, once a month — you should “crawl away” a little with the words: “Oh, my son (my daughter)! Maybe you have already become so powerful and smart that you can rewrite the exercise yourself? Can you get up for school on your own?.. Can you solve the column of examples?
If it didn’t work out: “Well, not yet powerful enough. Let’s try again in a month.» If it worked out — cheers!
We’re doing an experiment. If there are no alarming letters in the medical record and the child seems to be ambitious, you can conduct an experiment.
“Crawling away” is much more essential than described in the previous paragraph, and letting the child “weigh” on the scales of being: “What can I myself?” If he picks up twos and is late for school a couple of times, it’s okay.
What’s important here? This is an experiment. Not vengeful: “Now I’ll show you what you are without me! ..”, but friendly: “But let’s see …”
No one scolds a child for anything, but the slightest success is encouraged and secured for him: “Excellent, it turns out that I don’t need to stand over you anymore! That was my fault. But how glad I am that everything turned out!
It must be remembered: no theoretical «agreements» with younger students work, only practice.
Looking for an alternative. If a child has neither medical letters nor ambition, for the time being the school should be left to drag on as it is and look for a resource outside — what the child is interested in and what he succeeds in. There is something for everyone. The school will also benefit from these bounties — from a competent increase in self-esteem, all children become a little more responsible.
We change settings. If the child has letters, and the parents have ambition: “The courtyard school is not for us, only a gymnasium with enhanced mathematics!”, We leave the child alone and work with parents.
An experiment proposed by a 13-year-old boy
The experiment was proposed by the boy Vasily. Lasts 2 weeks. Everyone is ready for the fact that the child, perhaps, will not do homework during this time. None, never.
With little ones, you can even come to an agreement with the teacher: the psychologist recommended an experiment in order to improve the situation in the family, then we’ll work it out, pull it up, we’ll do it, don’t worry, Marya Petrovna. But put deuces, of course.
What’s at home? The child sits down for lessons, knowing in advance that they WILL NOT be done. Such an agreement. Get books, notebooks, a pen, pencils, a notepad for drafts … What else do you need for work? ..
Spread everything. But it is precisely TO DO LESSONS — it is not necessary at all. And this is known in advance. WILL NOT do it.
But if you suddenly want to, then you can, of course, do something a little bit. But it is completely optional and even undesirable. I completed all the preparatory steps, sat at the table for 10 seconds and went, let’s say, to play with the cat.
And what, it turns out, I have already done all the lessons ?! And there isn’t much time yet? And no one forced me?
Then, when the games with the cat are over, you can go to the table again. See what is asked. Find out if something is not recorded. Open the notebook and textbook to the correct page. Find the right exercise. And DO NOT DO ANYTHING again. Well, if you immediately saw something simple that you can learn, write, solve or emphasize in a minute, then you will do it. And if you take acceleration and don’t stop, then something else … But it’s better to leave it for the third approach.
Actually planning to go out to eat. And not lessons … But this task does not work out … Well, now I’ll look at the GDZ solution … Ah, so that’s what happened! How could I have not guessed something! .. And now what — only English is left? No, it DOES NOT HAVE to be done now. Then. When later? Well, now I’ll just call Lenka … Why, while I’m talking with Lenka, this stupid English comes into my head?
And what, it turns out, I have already done all the lessons ?! And there isn’t much time yet? And no one forced me? Oh yes I am, well done! Mom did not even believe that I was already done! And then I looked, checked and so delighted!
This is the hodgepodge that the boys and girls from the 2nd to the 10th grade who reported on the results of the experiment presented to me.
From the fourth «approach to the projectile» almost everyone did their homework. Many — earlier, especially small ones.