5 וועגן צו מאַכן כעס אַרבעט פֿאַר איר

Each of us at work sooner or later has a reason for irritation.

We spend the night on a project, which is then sent to the trash;

the client starts scolding everyone for no apparent reason;

colleagues, as usual, are late for the meeting, and you have to take on all the preparatory work.

From this you can boil. And you are no longer able to focus on urgent and important work.

Your mind goes into fight-or-flight mode, and you «react,» meaning you lose your clarity of thought, blame others or yourself, and become frustrated. In this state, you run the risk of saying something that you will later regret.

But anger and anger can not only ruin a career, but also help it, says coach and psychotherapist Melody Wilding. “It’s quite common to experience a variety of feelings, including anger,” she says. — Negative emotions arise during work hours in the same way as in personal life — and this is not at all a bad thing. Working with your feelings (and it’s worth learning!) is the key to emotional intelligence, which will help you become a leader and achieve greater success. Rage can motivate and give energy to solve work problems.”

By learning to manage your anger, you can make your dissatisfaction constructive and get what you need without earning a reputation for being bad-tempered. Melody Wilding offers five ways to act if something at work makes you furious.

1. Don’t fight your feelings

When anger kicks in, we often start blaming others or try desperately to calm down. Instead, acknowledge that anger has a right to exist. It is an evolutionary mechanism deeply embedded in us. This is our way of combating dangers and threats to well-being.

The next time you feel anger coming, remember that you can’t just avoid it. Instead, find a way to release your anger while maintaining self-respect and not hurting yourself. Say to yourself, «What I feel is natural, but it’s not good for me right now.» Accepting your reaction is better than fighting it because it calms you down and shifts your attention to solving the problem.

2. Interrupt Automatic Thoughts

If you seethe, the first thing to do is find a way to interrupt the automatic thoughts that anger triggers. A physical way out of the situation will help with this: take a walk, move away from your desk and call a friend, or take a few deep breaths.

Visualization is another way to deal with anger. Mentally picture yourself at the moment when you are angry. How do you look, how do you feel, what do you say? Do you like this image? Then imagine how you intelligently manage your anger, resolving the situation calmly and constructively.

By mentally imagining different ways of dealing with anger, you will curb it and not allow yourself to be controlled.

3. Learn the triggers of anger

What or who makes you angry? Pay attention to the circumstances and people around you at the moment when you start to get angry in order to anticipate possible reactions in the future and begin to manage them.

For example, if a colleague pisses you off, the next time you have to work with him, try to take breaks from work. They will make it possible to interrupt the growth of the emotional degree if he (or she) provokes, and will get rid of the automatic reaction. Nobody likes to get angry, and anticipating and calculating dangerous situations in advance, you can remain collected and calm.

4. Choose Your Words Carefully

If you decide to confront someone who is causing anger, be aware and express your feelings. It is important to voice them as it reduces misunderstandings and helps to gather thoughts, opinions and desires. Talk to the upset person in a manner that he (or she) might like. For example, if she values ​​directness and clear goals, keep that in mind when describing a problem. Ask her to describe the situation from her point of view. Keep the conversation open and straight.

5. Focus on the solution, not the problem

Focusing on what irritates is easy and even enjoyable. But this is only at the beginning. Chewing on grudges is harmful because it takes time and energy to solve problems, causing you to get stuck in negative experiences. Instead, focus on the lessons you can learn from the situation so that you can develop it to your advantage.

Avoid generalizations such as «She always demands that I report back without giving me time to prepare.»

Instead, try saying, “I was late with the report because I was asked for it at the last minute. This has happened before. How can we improve the schedule to avoid this in the future?”

Throughout your career, you will encounter anger more than once. To become a leader, it must be managed. Make sure you have the necessary skills and handle anger effectively and professionally in a way that will bring career benefits in the long run.