ינהאַלט
Only child: they explain their choice
Parents who decide to have only one child are often severely judged by those around them and more widely by society. They are criticized for being selfish, for thinking only of their own little personal comfort and we assure them that by not giving their child a little brother or sister, they will make him egocentric, withdrawn, spoiled rotten. An extremely unfair trial of intent because on the one hand, some parents limit themselves to a single child not by choice, but for health or financial reasons and then, on the other hand, because each family has its reasons and no one have to judge them. Victoria Fedden, an English teacher and mother of one, recently posted a column on the Babble website to express her fed up with the relentless judgments of other parents. “I don’t get upset when someone asks me why I only have one child. I smile politely and explain […] that there are a million different variables that did not show up in the right place at the right time so that we can grow our families, ”she wrote simply. Moms were keen to react in their turn by explaining why, they too, made the choice of the only child.
“The close relationship with my son cuts me off any desire to have another child”
“My son is 3 years old and although he is still small, I know I don’t want more children. Why ? The question obviously arises. I did not have a difficult pregnancy, my delivery went well, as well as the first months with my baby. Honestly, I loved this whole period. However, I do not wish to repeat the experience. Today I have such a fusion with my son that I cannot break this balance. I cannot project myself with another child. Yes, I would love to be pregnant again, but from my son. If I do the 2nd, I am convinced that I would make the differences and that I would prefer my elder. We obviously have a favorite child. I wouldn’t want to leave one behind, hurt another. I can understand that my reasoning is disturbing. If I had listened to my son’s father, we are now separated, we would have done a second very quickly. I now live alone with my son. We spend a lot of time together, but that doesn’t stop him from being a very social kid. He loves babies. And I do not exclude that one day he asks me for a little brother or a little sister. What to answer him? I do not know. The question will also arise if I meet a man who has never been a father. He will have to arm himself with patience to convince me. ”
Stéphanie, mother of Théo
“You have to be realistic, a child is expensive. In another life maybe… ”
Initially, I wanted two children. But I was operated on for cervical cancer and had to wait 2 years for everything to be okay. Our princess arrived when I was 28, she is 4 now. At the moment we don’t want more children. Fatigue, breastfeeding… I don’t feel like starting over. And then there is the financial question. We live in a small apartment and we don’t have very high salaries. I think you have to be clear-headed: a child represents a cost. The clothes, the activities… My daughter has been working out since she was 3 years old, I give her that. I didn’t have that chance, my mother couldn’t afford it. So yes, I’d rather not expand the family just yet. My partner agrees with me, but part of the family does not understand. I hear very inappropriate remarks like: “you are selfish” or “your daughter is going to die on her own”. I don’t let myself go, but sometimes it’s hard to take. My daughter is very fulfilled, she has fun with her cousins who are in the same school as her. On the other hand, I dread next year because they will move. Maybe one day I would change my mind, nothing is final. But first I would have to change my life. ”
Mélissa, mother of Nina