Is it possible for a heterosexual man and woman to have an intimate but extremely platonic relationship? In the vast majority of cases, this is a myth, says psychology professor Clifford Lazarus. After all, the evolutionary tasks of the two sexes involve more than just friendship.
Thanks to the philosopher and writer John Gray who, in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, pioneered the very precise metaphor of Mars/Venus as two different planets inhabited by so many different men and women.
And if it is easier for the inhabitants of Venus to establish and maintain platonic relationships with men, then the inhabitants of Mars have such a pure friendship, not clouded by sexual interest, much worse.
And although some women in friendships with the opposite sex tend to a more masculine scenario — by no means exclude sex — and some men gravitate more towards a spiritual connection, experience confirms that these individuals are only an exception to the rule.
The weaker sex is more emotional, and often friendship unconsciously turns into flirting or falling in love.
The vast majority of heterosexual men subconsciously evaluate any woman of childbearing age in terms of her sexual attractiveness and desirability.
Women can also show this sexual instinct, but they tend to focus on the non-sexual aspects of what they might be interested in a new man for them. The reason for such dissimilar behavioral patterns lies in the difference in the goals that nature sets for a man and a woman.
Male spermatozoa are physiologically cheaper and easier to reproduce. And the more often and more actively a man spends them, the more evolutionarily successful he is.
Women are born with a limited supply of follicles in the ovaries that can give birth to an egg. It is a metabolically priceless product that cannot be replenished.
In addition, a woman takes into account the physical and emotional stress associated with pregnancy. Therefore, evolutionarily, she is forced to be more careful about her ovarian reserve, which provides offspring, and is much more critical in choosing potential sexual partners.
Women are better able to resist the physical charm and sex appeal of a man and keep the relationship at the platonic stage. This allows them to get to know the person better and determine him as suitable (or not) for further close relationships, which impose an incomparably greater responsibility on the weaker sex than on the strong.
Men, on the other hand, do not need to look so far into the future, so they easily succumb to sexual impulses.
This fundamental difference between the two sexes helps to better understand why men so often perceive friendly attention from a woman as a signal of sexual interest, and women are shocked when yesterday’s friend behaves «obscenely.»
A new social trend — «friends with benefits» — involves sex between a man and a woman who are just friends
Men are more specific in this matter — if at the very beginning they agreed that they were just friends, then they expect the same from a woman. But the weaker sex is more emotional, and often friendship unconsciously turns into flirting or falling in love.
In addition, by trusting each other with the secrets of your personal life, you get to know each other better, find out weaknesses, learn to manipulate, so you can subconsciously use this information to win over a friend. And this is fraught with consequences.
The new social trend of “friends with benefits,” in which a man and a woman remain nothing more than friends but engage in sexual intercourse from time to time, would seem to allow both parties to avoid pretending that there is no erotic tension between us.
However, such relationships are more suitable for men and less satisfying for women. For the inhabitants of Venus, this is rather a compromise, because by their nature they tend to develop closer and longer-term relationships with a partner.