בעכעסקעם טראדיציעס מאכט אונדז יינגער

Maintaining holiday traditions is very important for our mental health — more important than we can imagine. Perhaps we do not want to see the family during the holidays and recall with great sadness how our irritated teenage self rebelled at the next family gathering — by the way, the protesting teenagers obviously woke up in other adults at our common table. But the amazing feeling of “time travel” through the awakening of our childhood memories is a great gift for us, because it helps to feel at least some permanence in life.

In other words, traditions make us feel younger. They provide support and meaning to our lives, says counselor and psychotherapist Kimberly Kay. They even keep our memory working, as they automatically turn on associative memories of previous experiences from early developmental stages. For example, in childhood we knew that we should not touch the stove while the New Year’s cake was being baked, and later we already cook it ourselves.

Kimberly Kay remembers trying to rebel against tradition the year her daughter left for her father’s holiday. The woman was worried about the recent divorce and was very bored. A friend came to her from another city and supported the «rebellion plan» — to abandon traditional dishes and eat only sushi.

However, the plan failed. Kay called all the nearby establishments and could not find a single open sushi restaurant. Even in the supermarket there was not a single roll. After a long search, a trendy fish restaurant was discovered, open on the very holiday. The women booked a table, but on the spot it turned out that on this day, following the traditions, they cooked not fish in the kitchen, but the same traditional dishes as in every family.

Years later, Kay refers to the experience as a «hidden blessing» that comforted her on an unconscious level, just when she needed solace and support. “It is strange that we tend to withdraw from people and things at the moments when we need them most,” she writes. “Of course, chatting with a friend was even more supportive, and we both laughed at the fact that we couldn’t get away from the traditional celebratory dinner.”

Sometimes it seems that we are forced to tolerate traditions, but their benefits are hidden from our consciousness. In some cases, we mourn the loss of loved ones, and then maintaining the usual holiday rituals makes it possible to “prolong” their presence in our lives.

This year we can make a cabbage pie according to Grandma’s recipe. And revive in memory conversations with her about how to make the filling correctly. We can recall that she put an apple in the mimosa, because her grandfather liked it, and her great-grandmother always cooked cranberry juice. We can think of all the loved ones who are no longer with us, and those who are far away from us. To remember your childhood and tell your children about it, together with them cooking traditional holiday dishes for our family.

“The love for these memories shines so brightly that I feel it burn away the traumas of my past and nurture endless seeds of love and gratitude for the good times,” Kay writes.

Cognitive research shows that the opportunity for «time travel» that we get from maintaining rituals and traditions is, in a sense, reminiscent of childhood. So let the years of worries recede behind all this New Year and Christmas holiday fuss and we will become younger — both in soul and body.

וועגן דעם מחבר: Kimberly Kay איז אַ סייקאָוטעראַפּיסט, קאָונסעלאָר און פארמיטלער.